If You want me to
"My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." - Matthew 26:39
Maybe one day I will be able to put it all into words. For now I will just say that this has been the most rotten and painful week I have ever lived, but you all need to know that I am very thankful to those of you who have kept me in prayer, those of you who visited and brought me food, flowers, and encouragement, even if it was over the phone. When I don't think that God is listening, you all remind me that His will is perfect.
" Resignation to the will of God is the whole of piety; it includes in it all that is good; and it is a source of the most settled quiet and composure of mind. Our resignation to the will of God may be said to be perfect, when our will is lost and resolved up into His; when we rest in His will as our end, as being itself most just, and right, and good." - Joseph Butler
I am hanging on to that.
And to the wise words of my mom, and my aunt, and my husband who last night told me: "God knows how he made you, and He gave you so much courage! You may not see it now, but I see the courage in you".
"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen" - Brene Brown
So I am showing up. This too shall pass.
My friend Amy told me this song reminded her of me. I agree, I could have written every word, and I will walk through this valley if He wants me to.